Month: November 2018

To the girl planning her wedding

LifeOfCarlyB1 Comment

The the girl planning a wedding….

Take it all in.

I know, barf right. You’ve heard that before. But I mean it.

Because when it’s over you will feel empty. There will be a big black hole hanging over your head for at least the first week and you won’t be sure how to handle it or what to do with yourself.

  • Take in the joy of getting to choose your perfect venue and your perfect dress.
  • Take in the stress of dealing with changes, vendors that might back out, miscommunication, and whatever else can go wrong.
  • Take it in when all of your loved ones gather in one city for YOU
  • Take it all in because it will all go away.

16 months of planning. That’s how long it was for me. 16 months of planning for what?

A damn good time I’ll tell you that!

Your wedding day will be here before you know it. Trust me. It might seem like it is light years away at this point, but just like anything else in life, time moves quickly. And this is no exception. You will only get this experience one time in your life (or at least my hope for your marriage is that you only get to experience this one time). So think about that. How many other things in your life do you get to experience truly only ONCE? Not many.

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you how to do this or how to do that, or which vendors to choose or any of that. There are plenty of self help pages for that on Pinterest or the Knot. But I do have TWO major tips for you that were so so SO beneficial to me:

  1. Hobby Lobby: know that shit, use that shit. Did you know that Hobby Lobby ALWAYS has 50% off deals? And they rotate. For example, if I went to the store for flowers and they weren’t half off, I’d come back the NEXT WEEK because then they would be! Same went for some pieces of furniture I got for the wedding, and utilizing their wedding section. If you are there for anything DON’T BUY IT ON THE SPOT IF IT IS NOT 50% OFF. It will be next week, TRUST ME! (except for furniture, that is always 30% off and doesn’t rotate).
  2. Hire a day of coordinator. I only did because our venue required and holy shit balls it was hands down the BEST forced decision I had ever made. Do it. Trust me. That is all.

And now, for the most important thing you should hear:

Be selfish.

This day is about you. And if I’m being honest, the only true stresses that I got out of my wedding planning stemmed from the opinions of others. Sure it’s nice to have others there to support your decision making, but if an opinion comes without first being prompted by you, then brush it off. This is your day.

Make it your goal from the start to not be bridezilla. That was my goal and I have to say besides getting pissed that my family wasn’t on time for pictures and therefore we had to wait and I was hot as a mother from being outside so long only to take a few pictures inside, I’d say that I wasn’t a bridezilla at all. (holy run-on sentence!) And with not being a bridezilla comes with not having unrealistic expectations in your head, which could totally kill the vibe of your day if they don’t play out exactly as you imagined.

I picked out my dress in 45 minutes and with only 6 try ons because I wasn’t looking for something so specific, so overly specific that I couldn’t even design it myself. I wasn’t looking for specific, I let the dress find me.

 

 

We looked at 3 venues and ended up picking the FIRST one that I saw online. It was meant to be. I let my bridesmaid pick out their jewelry and shoes and their style of dresses. I let Alex pick out his groomsman accessory (i.e. socks, tie clips, etc.) I got my flower girl dresses online from Macy’s to not spend a fortune and I made nearly 90% of our wedding decor. I let our wedding coordinator display the decor in the venue how SHE thought was best because well, she had done it a time or two before 😉

But above that…

Don’t feel like you have to please everyone. Don’t feel like you have to invite everyone. Think about your big day and who do you picture there? Those are the people who should be invited. Not people who you only met when you were 3 years old and wouldn’t recognize them in person. Not the people who were once a part of your life but aren’t anymore, but you feel like you need to invite them to save feelings from being hurt. This is your day. YOUR DAY.

Know that vendors will try to screw you over. Learn how to be a negotiator. I got a discount from every. single. one. of my vendors because I didn’t accept the first price point given (except for maybe my photographer because we love her). I didn’t do my hair trial because why in the effing world would I pay $75 for a hair style that I AM going to take out as soon as I get home? So I didn’t do it and guess what, they still did my hair. Oh and keep good records, because chances are one or more vendors will come to you the week of the wedding saying you owe more just because they didn’t record it correctly.

If you want traditional stuff done at your wedding then great, go for it! But if you’re like us, then you just wanted to party. And I am so so glad that we didn’t do an hour worth of specific dances (i.e. dollar dance, etc) or that we didn’t make people sit there and watch us try to horridly perform a pre-coreographed dance. Instead, we got the “stuff” done and everyone headed to the dance floor. Where it was packed for the whole night.

Oh and speaking of partying. Let me be the first to recommend having your rehearsal TWO nights prior. Because by the way all of us were feeling the morning after our rehearsal dinner, none of us would’ve been comfortable if it were the wedding day 😀

Know that you set the tone for the wedding. If you’re stressed, it will show. And people will either try to comfort you (which might piss you off more) or they will walk on egg shells. I can gladly say that I had only one 10-minute stressed out freak out moment and was OVER it. For the entire day.

If people ask you questions that are not relevant to YOU. Or they want direction on wedding related stuff (i.e. what to wear) I suggest delegating someone to answer that! If you don’t have any specifics in mind, then don’t stress out trying to come up with the answer. We directed these tasks to other people and I must say that all questions were taken care of by people other than us, and everyone looked rather dashing at the wedding.

If you want specific pictures then MAKE A LIST. I wish I would have made a specific list, but I have to say that my photographer did GREAT. The only picture I knew I wanted FOR SURE was one with my dogs. Were my dogs brats that day? Yep. Did we get a picture? Yep. And if your wedding is outside. Take charge when you are hot. Don’t ask to go inside, say that you are going inside.

It’s okay to go outside the box. And if you’re looking for permission to well then let me tell you some things that we did that were out of the ordinary:

  • My bridal party dresses were not the same style, nor were they all the same color
  • We did not exchange our own personal vows at the alter and rather did a private exchange
  • We did not know our pastor personally before the day of the wedding
  • We didn’t do pre-marital counseling
  • We didn’t take dance classes
  • We didn’t pre choreograph a stupid dance
  • We booked our cake and cupcakes without even sampling first. The reviews were good enough
  • We didn’t use real flowers. Not even my bouquet
  • I didn’t give 2 shits what people other than my wedding party wore on the day of the wedding
  • We didn’t save the top layer of our cake. Our freezer is small and we eat healthy so that thing would sit and sit and sit
  • We did not do the garter dance, just the garter toss
  • We did not do the dollar dance (put your money elsewhere people)
  • We did not go on a honeymoon right after the wedding. We’re waiting a whole year
  • We lived together for 3 years prior to the wedding
  • I didn’t do a hair trial
  • We did our own make up
  • We had our rehearsal two days before the wedding
  • I didn’t invite everyone that I had ever interacted with in my life

And some things that I wouldn’t have done, had I not been talked into it by important people in my life

  • A bridal shower
  • A gift registry

I just had a really hard time asking people for gifts just because I found my soul mate. Still is a weird concept to me- like hey I found love, now give me gifts!- always will be.

At the end of the day. Enjoy it. Take it in. Both the planning process and the actual wedding. Because people tell you that it goes by so quickly, but what no one told me was that it goes by so quickly that it turns into one big blur. I’m still finding that I’m like OH yeah that DID happen! And wishing that we had taken more pictures on our personal phones to show behind the scenes. A total blur. But one hell of a partying, rowdy, fun-loving, fairytale type of blur.

 

Last tip? Get a go-pro, and let that shit do it’s own thang.

Sincerely,

The new Mrs. Buehler

And if you’re a guest of the wedding, someone in the wedding party, or family. Here is my note to you

BE ON TIME AND DO WHAT YOU’RE ASKED! The bride and groom have a million things to do and are being pulled in a million different directions. They do not need to wait on YOU. Be respectful. 

That is all I have for you

Volunteering Changed Me, It Can Change You Too

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13 months ago I began volunteering in animal rescue. More specifically, I began volunteering with Triad Golden Retriever Rescue out of Greensboro, NC. It wasn’t even something I was looking to do at the time, something I didn’t know I wanted to do. But things have a way of finding you when they need you, or when you need them.

Growing up I, like many of you I’m sure, had to do “community service” for sports or schooling organizations, or had to do X amount of volunteer hours for a college class. I didn’t want to, I slacked off, I didn’t understand the value of giving my free time to help a cause. I was young and immature, I know that.

However, choosing to volunteer has created a snowball effect in my life. It’s not just one snowball either. It’s as if the main snowball of volunteering, branched off, broke off, into many different smaller but still important snowballs. Volunteering with TGRR led to volunteering with 2 other animal rescue groups. It has led to me volunteering for free shifts at work or other things , just because! It has led to me talking more about causes beyond animal rescue such as cancer. It has led me to a philanthropist mindset.

In a different snowball it has changed how I interact with my dogs. It has changed how I interact with new dogs that we meet. I’ve learned how to approach new dogs, knowing now that now all dogs can be approached the same. And by approaching a dog wrong, you could get an adverse reaction making that dog seem rough, cruel, not adoptable, etc.

In an additional snowball it has changed how I talk about dogs with others. Knowing that proper pet education is one of the most important things in the future of animal rescue.

It has given me new connections, allowed me to connect with new people. Opened my heart to new things.

Volunteering has changed me.  It can change you too.

With the holiday seasons coming up, my heart is feeling a little extra heavy.

  • Heavy because I know there are animals that are tied up outside, away from the love of the family interacting inside. They are yard dogs and nothing more
  • Heavy because I know there are animals in shelters, living out their last few hours in hopes of some miracle family coming in to take them home. That family won’t come, there’s too many animals in the shelter, and not enough awareness about it.
  • Heavy because I know there are dogs and cats having unexpected litters right now because their owners failed to spay or neuter them. And when those litters can’t be given away for free (NEVER a guarantee at a good home either.  In fact, giving your animal away for free often lands it in a puppy mill, or a dog fighting home) those tiny puppies and kittens will be taken to a shelter.
  • Heavy because there are animals in shelters who will be alone for the holiday. And while they don’t know what Thanksgiving or Christmas is, they will most certainly be more lonely when the staff disappears for their holidays, only to have few staff members check in infrequently to let the dogs out. No fault to the staff members either. It’s to the fault of the bastards who surrender their animals there in the first place.
  • Heavy because I know there are animals out there, maybe even in my own neighborhood, who are being neglected and abused, but their angel person hasn’t discovered them yet, hasn’t rescued them yet.
  • In every. single. animal rescue organization operation there is never enough volunteers. Which is why I’m urging you today to consider taking on one of these roles. I’m urging you to help
  • First and foremost, consider opening your home (or garage!) to a temporary holiday foster. Relieve some dog or cat from the loneliness of the shelter around the holidays
  • And if you can’t foster, go walk some dogs! Never underestimate the healing nature of persistent and consistent human interaction on a dog or cats mental stability while being sheltered.
  • Sign up as an actual volunteer, and stick to it! It’s more common to have people sign up to be volunteers and never actually put an hours worth of work in, than it is to see volunteers actually go through with their actions

You can be any of the following:

  • A foster, hands down the most important role that every organization is lacking in

  • A dog walker

  • A part of the events team, working events only

  • Part of the social media team, working on the organizations page and sharing on your own too

  • Part of the fundraising team

  • You could even create fun events for volunteers and prospective volunteers to mingle and engage with one another

  • You could be part of the adoption application process. There are many steps to this. Intake, phone interview, vet reference checks, home visits, match-making between dog and family, etc.

  • You could work with animal transport team, bringing animals into a no-kill organization, sparing them from the shelter.

  • Heck, you could even just focus on proper education on proper pet ownership

There are many ways to help. Trust me. I started off as a volunteer just to write the pieces for our website about our adoptable dogs, and now I’ve expanded to also do:

Write about our recently adopted dogs, the ever so anticipated “adoption announcements”

  • Telephone interviews for adoption applications
  • Vet reference checks for adoption applications
  • Home visit checks for adoption applications
  • Some weekend events
  • Dog walker and socializer

I get not everyone is suited to volunteer in animal rescue. Some think you may not have time, trust me you do.

Some of you may have thought about volunteering but have questions about it. Just ask!! We will answer.

And for those who consider being a foster family. No organization will just thrust a dog or cat upon you. You have to agree to it, you get to know about the dog or cat first, you decide if you think it will work. Fostering is hands down the most important part of any animal rescue. So what are you waiting for, go sign up!

Below are some of my favorite organizations, yes some are local to my area, but some are nationwide too! If none of these are close to you, then take it upon yourself to do a little research. Google works magic these days

  • Triad Golden Retriever Rescue- Greensboro, NC
  • Humane Society of Alamance County- Burlington, NC
  • SPCA of the Triad- Greensboro, NC
  • Tracy’s Dogs- Texas
  • Paws4Ever- Mebane, NC
  • Big Fluffy Dog Rescue- Nashville, TN
  • Silver Muzzle Cottage- Michigan
  • Merit Pit Bull Foundation- Greensboro, NC
  • Almost There Foster Care – Arizona
  • Best Friends Animal Society – Utah
  • Kansas City Pet Project- Kansas City
  • Underdog Rescue- Minnesota
  • Humane Society (International and of the United States)
  • ASPCA

I know many people are getting a little, tired, of seeing me posts about animal rescue so much. But I believe that there is much more reward in trying, and in doing, and because of that I will not stop talking.

I urge you to sign up as a volunteer today. If any of the above reasons doesn’t convince you enough, think of all of the new people who could meet. Think of the lives you could change. 

Why Puppies and Kittens Should Not Be Christmas Gifts

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Kerst-hond

Look at that face! You want it for Christmas soooo badly right?!

Please. Stop there. Think again. Read on and you’ll find out why.

But first, let me introduce myself

Hey, my name’s Carly

For the past 12 months I’ve been volunteering with the Triad Golden Retriever Rescue (TGRR) out of Greensboro, NC. Over time, I’ve taken on more and more responsibilities.

In 2017, TGRR took in 39 dogs throughout the whole entire year (all Golden’s or Golden mixes only). So far into 2018 we’ve taken in 57, and counting. It’s the Chinese Year of the Dog (literally!) and we feel it.

I’ve also done some volunteering with SPCA and Humane Societies.

I’ve gotten attached to 3 dogs who I would walk weekly, as much as I could, who were couped up in a shelter because we couldn’t find a foster home for them. All 3 of which had to be euthanized, 2 of which because of behavioral issues that grew to be too harmful because they were kennel crazy.

26814900_10156236373139824_4086334976847815611_nScreen Shot 2018-11-14 at 9.00.45 AMScreen Shot 2018-11-14 at 9.03.07 AM

My work in animal rescue has opened my eyes to a lot of things. And I know that proper pet ownership education is one of the most important things that needs to be addressed. More chat on that later. 

As I opened an email this morning to an adoption announcement of a 9 year old dog, I was flipping through the pictures seeing it interact with the children and thought “Now THAT is a true Christmas present”. A family, a loving family, for that dog in old age. And we know that family is a good family because we’ve done research on it. They reached out to us, they didn’t go to the nearest back yard breeder for a cheap, cute puppy. They did it right.

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So let me say this, for the general population. For you “act on impulse”, “I want to be the hero of the family” type people….

ANIMALS ARE NOT CHRISTMAS GIFTS.

Especially the “oh look I surprised you bull shit” 

Choosing to get an animal is a HUGE decision. You don’t do it because your 4 year old begs you, or because your girlfriend of 3 months talks about how bad she wants one. You don’t do it on impulse and you don’t do it if you work long hours, every single day.

Because animals are hard work:

  • They outgrow the puppy stage
  • They require annual vaccinations, which alone can cost you $100+ per animal. Not to mention check ups or emergency visits
  • Do you even know how much dog food costs?
  • How about potty training. That puppy will pee and poop in your house and you will get frustrated and return that thing quicker than you got it.
  • Animals, dogs moreso than cats, require quality attention. You can’t just leave your animal alone all freaking day while you’re at work. Not only is it terrible for their need for socialization, they will eventually get bored and get into things. And you’ll get mad, and you’ll return it.
  • And then someday that animal will grow old. And it will move slower than you’d like or require extra medical attention, which yes- costs more. And you’ll be frustrated and you’ll send it off to the shelter because like it never was a part of your family.

And if you’re thinking that your impulse decision to want to get a puppy now doesn’t put you in that category. That you’re ‘aware’ and ‘a good person’. Well, look at these statistics, I will bet ya that many of these pet owners thought that they knew what they were doing. But like many facets of life, convenience overrules every aspect of pet ownership. And when that pet is no longer convenient or no longer a puppy, they got fed up:

In the state of North Carolina, among 89 reporting shelters, during the year of 2017:

  • 57,561 cats were euthanized
  • 24,907 dogs were euthanized
  • 82,902 euthanasia’s were performed as a whole (this includes, bats, pigs, misc. animals)

Think about that puppy or kitten you’ve been considering getting as a Christmas gift for your 5 year old because they won’t shut up about it. They’re so cute and precious and everyone loves a puppy. How much work is it really?

Now think about those numbers. The amount of dogs and cats who were waiting, with loving eyes and a hopeful, yet scared soul to find their forever home. They were confined to a kennel, going more stir crazy with each passing day. The only hope be any volunteer that could let them out for a walk. If the shelter had enough volunteers that is.

Moreso, the number of animals surrendered to animal shelters rises dramatically about 3-6 months after Christmas. Why? Yeah, you remember that cute puppy you got. Not so cute now that it’s peeing in the house, escaping the kennel, and not responded well to training (oh wait, you’re not trying to train it).

Shelter’s have a max capacity. And when influxes of Christmas gifts come in, it puts the shelter into an overwhelming, over capacity place. Some dogs, as a response to that, have to go. The first ones on the chopping block? Old dogs.

old-dog.jpg

Many dogs in shelters are older in age, which is sad because that means they likely lived the first part of their life with a family. And not all cases are the story of a dog tied up in the backyard being neglected to the point that someone else saved them and called the shelter. No, some of those dogs were part of the family. Until something came along that made the family just throw their hands up, and say forget it. A new child, a new job, a move, a divorce etc. All invalid reasons in my opinion, try to change my mind.

Out of our 57 dogs so far this year with TGRR, 25 of them have been in the later half of their years. Yes, some are in our care because their owners died, others are in our care for previously mentioned “excuses”.

People neglect getting older dogs because they don’t want the heartache that comes with losing it. You people, are the real MVP’s, because that shows that you care about your dogs. However, think about the life the dog potentially has had, why not be their hero and give them an amazing end of life? Not to mention, they generally are pretty decent with commands at that point!

Okay, so you really want a puppy. Out of our 57 dogs at TGRR, 15 of them have been 2 years old or less. A large percentage of dogs (and cats!) in animal shelters are in the puppy or kitten stage too. So look beyond that PetSmart window, or the “ad for puppy” on the side of the road. News flash, those are all backyard breeding cases. Another rant for another time.

So let’s round back to my point. Choosing to get a puppy or a kitten as a Christmas gift is NOT the way to go. Walk into an animal shelter, connect with one of those hopeful souls, give them a second chance at life.

And to those of you who are incredible pet owners out there, I salute you, and I want to be friends with you. I do believe there are more good people in the world, so cheers to you!

vonunteer-with-dog-at-an-animal-shelter

I also encourage you to volunteer at your local animal shelter because they ALL NEED IT! And while you can, spread the word of proper pet ownership. If your neighbor is planning to get a dog, but you know their gone most of the day, talk some sense into them. If you see a dog chained up on a short leash 24/7, no matter the season, call for help. THAT is when it’s okay to be a hero.

You don’t have to be your family’s hero on Christmas, buying that cute puppy.

But you can be a shelter animal’s hero on Christmas, adopting them- the right way.