Month: March 2019

Different Friends Exist for Different Phases of Life

LifeOfCarlyBLeave a comment

& Why it’s Okay to Have Different Friends Through Different Life Phases

Some of you reading this may still have the same best friend that you met in Pre-K. And that’s freaking awesome.

Other’s like me, have had different friends in different phases of life, and only a few have transitioned from phase to phase. And the only ones who have been with me literally my whole life are my 2 bestie cousins (and my fam-bam of course too). But hey, at least we’re lucky that we like our family enough to call them best friends.

I used to think that having the same best friend throughout life was THE THING TO STRIVE FOR. And I never had that. Ask me in high school if you thought I’d be best friends with my high school (and middle school) best friend forever and I would have said heck yes. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone in our high school would have thought that.

But just like we have phases of our lives for a reason,

I believe that we also have phases of friends for those phases of our lives for a reason.

It goes with that saying “Everything happens for a reason”.

The way I see it, there are certain friends that I think everyone needs throughout their life. Those friends are as follows:

1. The Lessons

Most of the time, you won’t realize these friends are only serving the purpose of giving you an important life lesson until long after the friendship has ended.

Sometimes, the lessons here will be huge. These friends might hurt you so hard that the only way you can come out of the friendship is to be stronger than you were before. The friends that serve the hardest lessons may present themselves in ways of: backstabbing you, throwing you under the bus (maybe literally if we’re talking about the movie Mean Girls), hooking up with your ex, or worse your current significant other, or just being a downright soul-sucking friend.

On the other hand though, the lessons from these friends might not be as huge. It might be that you simply grow as a person while being friends with these people, and as you grow you realize that you’ve got to leave some baggage behind. It’s not necessarily a bad thing for either one of you, you just grow and realize who you are and what kind of friends you need most.

2. The Dick Heads

Generally, these people will also fall into the category of the “huge lesson learned friend”. But I think these friends deserve a category all on your own.

Have you ever looked back on a friendship an thought “Why was I EVER friends with them?!” All they did was made fun of me, bail on plans, steal by friends or my boyfriend / girlfriend, and made me feel like absolute dirt about myself? Ya, those are the dick head friends. And if you’re reading this and are thinking “hm, that sounds like a friend I currently have” run fast, run far, cut that cord of negativity honey! 

3. Your Wannabes

and I’m not talking about people who wanted to be like YOU I’m talking about people who you wanted to be like . Why strive for that?! Let’s be honest though, we all had those ‘friends’, likely in grade school or somewhere around there. I know I did. We’d get so freaking excited when we got invited to their birthday parties, or if they asked us to hang out, or oh heck yeah they talked to us- in school! And don’t even get me started on when they let you borrow their clothes- but wait, was that just a cool thing to me?! These friends, and the fact that I’d be willing to be my bottom dollar that everyone reading this had one of those friends, were necessary. They stemmed, in my opinion, from the bullshit comparison game that society has drilled so far into our head. So while we were comparing our right eyebrow to the left, and comparing those 2 eyebrows to the pair on the model in the magazine you’re trying to mimic, we were also comparing ourselves against other people and basing it off of who we were friends with. Were we cool enough? What was cool anyway? And why did a person measure that?

4. The best friend you lost for, well you’re not sure why

Again, this may just apply to me, but I like to believe i’m not the only one. Let’s circle back to the beginning of this blog, “Ask me in high school if you thought I’d be best friends with my high school (and middle school) best friend forever and I would have said heck yes. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone in our high school would have thought that.”

^^^TRUE. Shortly after graduating high school my best friendship I ever had fell apart. And months and then again years later, when we had spoken about what had happened, neither one of us knew why.

I’m not going to lie, or leave this line out for the sake of her possibly reading this, that hurt. My best friends now-a-days I sometimes find myself seeing her, and our friendship in. The friendship is over, but I cherish the memories we had, so much.

5. The one’s who got you through high school, you simply wouldn’t have survived without them

These are the ones who were always there for you even when you were trying to run circles around them to get just one lousy invite to the “wannabes” party. The ones you’d pass notes with in class (Dear God, I just realized that this probably doesn’t happen anymore. God help our younger generations and their attachment to their phones), the one’s you’d pee your pants laughing with at the lunch room table (oh wait, was that just me again?!), the one’s you’d get together with every weekend and still not get bored. The one’s you likely don’t talk to much anymore, you’ve just gone your separate ways. But if your paths crossed again, you’d likely be able to still carry on a conversation better than you can with most of your current coworkers.

6. and then there’s the ones who got you through college (spoiler, this is likely going to be your first college roommate)

Let me first point out that from here on out, I have started to incorporate pictures, because I’m getting to the point (in my life at least) that some of these friends have carried over into the next phase of my life.

And so there’s the first college roommate, eh em, I mean the friend that GOT YOU THROUGH COLLEGE SISTA.

From day 1 you explored your Whole New World together. You figured things out together. You tried new things together. And as you grew into your college years, you each found your niche, but you never lost touch (or maybe never stopped living together). This girl right here, was one of the greatest friends I had in college, because she was the most steady friend I had in college. Even when I failed to realize how freaking awesome she was and lived with other people after our first year together, we NEVER. LOST. TOUCH. Just 8 months ago she stood beside me as I married my best friend. Funny how fate works, because us rooming together was a LITERAL TOUCH OF FATE. Okay, fine I’ll tell you how it was fate (I have typed and erased this part multiple times, but here it REMAINS!)

It was a Saturday night & I was waitressing at the local watering hole in my home town. I was 19, and actually still at home going through my first year of college at community college. But I had decided to venture out the next year finally and go to the University of Northern Iowa. On this night, my parents were eating dinner at the watering hole and in walked a couple from the neighboring town that they knew. They got to talking and realized that like me, THEIR DAUGHTER TOO WAS GOING TO UNI. I knew this family, I actually hung out with their son (Lannon’s brother) frequently, we had the same friend group. Long story short, my parents said that I had a roommate who I didn’t know like anything about, and Lannon did not have a roommate. They called me over in between my tables, and we decided in a few seconds flat that I would reach out to Lannon to be roommates. So I went into the break room, pulled out my phone and Facebook Messaged her to be roommates- and she was at her PROM that night! (insert laughing face emoji here). Obvi it worked out, because this many years later we can still laugh about that night as well as the memories we had after

Universe, thank you for letting that play out like it did.

7. And on the other hand, the ones who got you into trouble in college

I’m not saying much about this one, because some things are just better left unsaid….. 🙂

But there were the friends who literally got you in trouble (lucky for me, in my case, I was watching people get in trouble around me and didn’t actually fall into much of it myself). And there were also a few Dick Head friends in college (spoiler: you’ll run into those your whole life).

when it comes to these college friends and the stupid shit we did, I just have one thing to say: We were still maturing okay..?!

8. Your first adulthood friend

Oh chelsinator. Most people think we were college friends but NOPE.

Your first adulthood friend is kind of…. astronomical. It’s like “hey I can do this thing called adulthood, and when I’m having a hard time figuring it out, I now have this person, MY PERSON to help me figure it out!”

This is one of the most important friends in my opinion, because as you are going forward into the cold, cruel world, it’s important to have someone beside you (even outside of your significant other) to help you navigate.

If you don’t have this friend yet, just wait you will. But let me tell you now- don’t ever let them go. You’ll need them to know you, and your tendencies. You’ll need them to encourage you to go for your dreams, or pull your head out of your ass when you’re having a rough day (or week or year). You’ll need them to grow with you. Someday you’ll become parents (or aunts /uncles or fur-parents) together, and you’ll need them to talk through all of the ups and downs of that phase of your life. You’ll simply need them to relate. Because chances are, you’ve found this first adult friend because you both were either in the same phase of your life, or you were transitioning into the next phase of your life at the same time. Something connected you, you can relate.

Don’t let your first adulthood friend go. They’ll prove to be too important to you. Even as phases of life change, I hope, I sincerely hope, that if you were ever able to carrying one friend over from phase to phase, that this one is it. 

9. The friend you made when you needed most

I am not sure this friend knows she came into my life when I needed most. She’s my first adult friend, in my new adult phase. I had moved 1,000 miles away from all previously mentioned friends and family and me, being the social butterfly I am, needed to find friends fast. NOT A PROBLEM HERE! But when my mom got sick (and is now better!) I realized that I had met this friend, because we shared a common ground there. Even if we didn’t talk about it much, I had comfort in knowing that we could. 

Maybe you’re struggling, or feeling lost and alone, like you’ve got no one to turn to but want someone so desperately bad. My advice to you, is to not look to hard for someone to help. This person, the friend you need the most, will come when you aren’t looking for it. The universe works to help us out, I believe that to be true.

10. The friends you’ve found along the way who you never saw yourself being with, but you know that you were MEANT to be friends

Like how did we become friends?! And how are we best freaking friends.

You want to know my favorite part about adulthood friends? They never stop coming. Just when you think you’ve got your squad all tied up, no more entries, no more free passes, the universe throws another one your way. Maybe you move, or start a new job, or try out a new gym. There will be a new friend there for you, and you won’t be expecting it.

But I love how these adult friends keep coming, and in my case, they arrive in the strangest and most unique packages I could have ever imagined.

My other favorite thing about these adult friends? Now that we’re older and mature (at least I hope you are!) we’re confident that these friends, these are for life. Regardless of…. well anything.

11. The best friend you found in your significant other

My best friend of over 6 years now, but after 3 weeks of dating I knew I’d be best friends with him for life. I call myself very lucky for that.

If you don’t have a best friend in a significant other, because you don’t have a significant other yet. Let me just remind you of one important word there- yet. Just like I need you to not look too hard for the friend you need the most, don’t look too hard for this best friend either. Just like the phases of your life, these friends will come on their own terms. Let the puzzle fall into place.

12. The best friends you’ve had all along

Like I said at the beginning, some of you are lucky enough to have had the same best friend through it all. Well, me too technically. They’re called family.

We’ve got Lauren. My younger cousin of 1 year on my dad’s side

We’ve got Jordan. My older cousin of 3 years on my mom’s side

We’ve even got my brother. Who I take great pride in being best friends with.

I know all 3 of these friends are a unique situation for me, because I’d bet many of you reading this don’t even like your family! And that’s okay. Even if you don’t have a #12 friend, I hope you don’t dwell on that, because think of all of the other friends you have. And I feel like this is as good of place as any to say it’s not about the quantity of friends you have, it’s about the quality. 

13. Your work friends

Because let’s be honest, these are more important than the high school or college friends. You simply would not be surviving another day in your musty smelling, too dull, or entirely too obnoxious office where you’ve likely spilled coffee on yourself, or others, more than once. These friends count when it matters! They keep your too-busy adulthood brain SANE!

And a bonus one for me….

14. The best friends you’ve found in your dogs 🙂

and a double bonus

15. My Parents

As you go forward with your life, and you start to see your friendships changing, and more importantly, you start to see yourself changing. Don’t dwell on the fact that change is happening. Embrace that.

These different phases. These different friends. They are what shape us into the beautiful works of art we were meant to be all along.

_____________________________________________________

 

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Who is LifeofCarlyb_?

LifeOfCarlyBLeave a comment

HELLO WORLD!

Let me…. reintroduce myself!

Nearly four years ago I started this blog. The general intent behind it was to educate YOU guys about various health and fitness topics. Within the first few years I wrote about topics from proper exercise, recovery, nutrition, and provided fitness challenges and tips. Then I kind of…. slowed down, to a near stop with all of my posting.

Within the past few months I’ve amped it back up, but in a new way!

The original title(s) of this blog were InFITiny Health (the idea that your health should last you to infinity, and not temporarily) and Commit Fit Carly (the idea that you should COMMIT to your fitness, with me!). Now, we’re at Life of Carly B, which is the same thing my instagram handle has changed to. Why the change? Simply because I want to share with you more than just nutrition and fitness topics. LIFE is about more than that. WELLNESS is about more than that. And quite frankly, I like talking about my dogs, and being blunt about controversial topics now more than I care to write about how to do a proper squat (for that, come chat with me in person 🙂 ).

So let me say again,

HELLO WORLD!

My name is Carly. Or as some like to call me, Carly B. My last name is Buehler, by marriage, which I guess you can saw is also by choice 😉 I’ve had that last name for just over half a year now and have already heard FERRRISSSSS jokes approximately 429580103 times.

You can also call me: dog mom, fitness junkie, optimist, realist, down to fuggggin earth, muscle barbie, whatever floats your boat. Insult me? I’ll brush it right off these strong & bulky shoulders of mine.

I grew up in IL, spent the first 19 years of my life there before moving to IA where I attended school at University of Northern Iowa (Go Cats!). There, I double majored in Exercise Science and Health Promotion. I loved school. Like if you want to pay me to go to school for the rest of my life, I think I would! I like the structure of the schedule college requires, I actually enjoyed research, and presentations, speaking in front of crowds, and just learning. My last four semesters of college I had anywhere from 18-21 credits going at a time, and I f*cking rocked it!

While studying exercise, I began my career in Exercise as a Personal Trainer while in school in 2013. As I’m writing this, I’ve worked in the industry for six years. I’ve done nearly it all. Personal Training, group exercise, fitness management, small studio management, and social media marketing for said gyms. I’ve worked with 13 year old athletes, D3 athletes who underestimated my skill as a female kickboxing instructor, and 70+ year olds, some who were training to hike the grand canyon, others who were training to be healthy with two stints in their heart. I’ve started my own online training business, and then quit it because quite frankly it was not fueling my soul. You want to know what DOES fuel my soul? Writing. This right here. Oh and animals…. and Orangetheory, the beach, my family, my friends, and a good ole MIMOSA.

I’m an animal lover, I volunteer with Triad Golden Retriever Rescue on a weekly basis, putting in anywhere from 1-5 hours of volunteer work per week. I have two English Creme Golden retrievers and they f*cking rock my world. Oh, let’s not forget the rescue cat that behaves just. like. a. dog. As previously mentioned, I’m married. I met my husband in college through a mutual friend (s/o to Luke Nuehaus) at a party (#noshame). My side hustle is coaching at Orangetheory Fitness, and I will never give that up – TRY TO MAKE ME OR JOIN ME!

I grew up being friends with everyone, but somehow always find myself being one of the guys. #lessdramahoney at the same time, I take pride in trying to out-lift your ass (yes guys, I’m talking to you). I preach, encourage, and shout to the world the importance of being a strong & strong-willed BOMB ASS WOMAN (insert fist pumping emoji here).

And if you haven’t been able to tell yet, I like to cuss, and no I will not change my language for the sake of you and YOUR opinion.

I get it, I can be a little bit much for some people. Sorry- not sorry. I don’t live my life to impress. My life quote? You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. My life song(s)? Meghan Trainor “Me Too” & Drake “Headlines”- I might be too strung out on compliments, overdosed on confidence. You catching onto the trend here? Love yourself first. If you don’t, no one else will. And I do not lack in that category. Like I said, I can be a little bit much for some people.

I speak the truth. I’m constantly spilling the tea #realtalk. I’m working on saying no more frequently and explaining the reasoning behind my actions less. I love my friends and family fiercely. I’m a humungoussss extrovert, I’ll likely make friends with anyone and everyone, especially if you show me a picture of your dog. I’ve got a creative side, I used to make all of the banners for the football and cheerleading teams in high school because I have surprisingly great handwriting. Oh and all 5’10”, 155lbs of almost pure muscle of me used to be a…. cheerleader. SURPRISE! And I was good. We competed in high school, I cheered in college. My biggest perk? I could lift the top girls like the guys could #musclebarbieforlife.

I lift heavy and also run half marathons.

I look like a hot mess express in the gym 
yet have also modeled in two runway shows.

I like dogs and cats.

I drink water and drink beer (& wine, tequila, rum, and whiskey).

I'll eat a salad a legit whole pizza by myself in the same weekend.

I'm friends with people of ALL kinds
- regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, LGBT community, etc.

You can catch me in a bikini at the peak of my physical ability...
as well as at the peak of my greatest bout of bloating #BODYPOSITIVITY

I listen to both sides of any argument or opinion.

I can be a basic bitch and the biggest tomboy within the SAME day.

Clearly, I don't discriminate, no matter the topic.

Oh and I like to travel the beautiful fricken world

So hey, nice to meet you. Come get to know me!

Subscribe to this here, truly honest, open to all topics, mostly vulgar blog.

& find me on Instagram @lifeofcarlyb_ 

So adiossss to the old “Meet the Carly” post. Hello WORLD. It’s me. Let’s chat 🙂

 

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Body Positivity Starts With the End of Stereotypical Bull Shit

LifeOfCarlyBLeave a comment

and less bullshit swirling around social media will help too.

 

Body Positivity [movement]

from Wikipedia:

Body positivity is a social movement rooted in the belief that all human beings should have a positive body image, in doing so it challenges the ways in which society presents and views the physical body. The movement advocates the acceptance of all bodies no matter the form, size, or appearance. The goal of the movement is to address the unrealistic beauty standards and to build the confidence of oneself and others. The body positivity movement addresses the unfeasible about self-acceptance, beauty, and self-esteem. The movement sets forth the notion that beauty is a construct of society, and poses that this construct should not infringe upon one’s ability to feel confidence or self-worth. The idea surrounding the body positivity movement is centered around the notion that people need to love themselves to the fullest, accepting their physical traits.

Body positivity came from a place of good intention. And for the most part, I still think that good intention is there. And I can see why the need for body positivity is needed now more than ever. When the movement started, there were statements from popular magazines that they would stop airbrushing their models to provide a false sense of body portrayal.

The problem, is that now millions of other people have access to the same body editing tools that those magazine editors had. The magazines [might] have stopped editing so extreme, but now these apps exist where you can change the size of your waist, boobs, butt, legs, face structure, give yourself abs, and the list goes on. And these apps are FREE. I was downright flabbergasted to hear about these apps, and I nearly fell to the floor when I downloaded a few myself to see how easy it is for someone, for anyone, to edit their body and PUT IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA.  You can’t believe anything anymore. Is that fitspo actually fit, or just good with an app?

If you follow me on Instagram [@lifeofcarlyb], then you saw my post last week in regards to these specific apps. In a matter of a few minutes I was able to magically give myself abs, or edit myself in a bikini to appear less bloated, lengthen my legs, enhance my boob size (see exibits A and B below)

So we live in a world where everything is glorified on social media, and I can see why body positivity has become such a widely used hashtag, with nearly 3 million tags on Instagram alone. Millions of people, women and men alike, are trying to spread the movement in an effort to squash the harsh beauty standards that society has created. I love it, I think it is FREAKING AWESOME. Like you go girl (or guy) you love yourself. Find that confidence, strut that strut. Let’s squash those beauty standards.

BUT something is happening in the midst of all of this, and while I don’t think it’s intentional, I still think it is something that needs to be…. re-thought about.

In an effort to make ourselves feel good, we are turning to common stereotypes to put down, bash, almost trash talk…. others. In an effort to build ourselves up, we are tearing something or someone else down.

You might be confused, but hang on for a second. You see, in this effort to post about body positivity, many times we throw in phrases against a certain body type and say things like “I may not be ______, but at least I’m _____ #bodypositivity”. You fill in the blanks, you’ve seen them before.

The idea that we have to compare ourselves against someone else is not squashing any stereotypes, it’s fueling the fire.

There’s a commonly shared meme that says “I may not be a Victoria Secret model, but I sure could pick one up and squat her”. I thought this was downright hilarious the first twenty times I saw it. The intention behind it is to be a strong woman, physically for sure, mentally maybe too. But it was until I had a friend who quite literally looks like a Victoria Secret model (okay she is a model, just not for VS), and she’s been naturally thin her whole freaking life that I saw the other side to this “I’m not this ____ but at least I’m not this_____”.

Some people are naturally skinny. Some people have the metabolism of a 3 year old kid that can’t stop bouncing off the walls, burning more energy before 6am than most adults do in a day. Some people are naturally thin, and to those that aren’t naturally thin, it isn’t something that you like to look at as a struggle. People who aren’t naturally thin, often times get disgusted that thin people can even exist naturally. So we put them down. I mean what can be so harmful in “poking fun” at someone who is skinny, I mean c’mon, they don’t have it hard. Right?

WRONG. Being thin, too thin, or thin to a point you can’t put on an ounce of muscle is an equally hard struggle for some people as it is for people trying to lose weight. You see, my friend, she’s tried to workout to put on muscle, to add some size. It doesn’t necessarily work. And I didn’t realize that by putting it out there that a VS model, or even a model body type is what some people, most people, in this movement are against, that we are demeaning others who have their very own struggle of their own. Don’t dig someone else in order to lift yourself up. 

Stereotypes and this body positivity movement cannot be alive at the same time. They will constantly be pulling against each other. They will continue to pin people against each other, allowing us to keep judging one another.

I was reading a book from one of my very favorite authors last night and something in the first chapter really struck me. She was pointing out that she was not perfect in school. She was awkward and not one of the popular girls. She didn’t have a body like the cheerleaders, she didn’t look like them. And the fact that she wasn’t skinny like the cheerleaders, made her an outcast.

I get it, since decades before social media was mainstream, the image of a cheerleader has been associated with not only popular but also skinny, pretty, and entitled. The stereotype has been the same for ages.

But let’s SQUASH THAT.

Coming from a 5’10” cheerleader who was most certainly not entitled for any minute of her life, I’m here to tell you that this kind of stereotype goes against the grain of accepting all, creating body positivity, etc. Maybe I’m just lucky to had been a cheerleader in a school where yes, cheer captains and quarterbacks were also on student council and hung out with people in the band on the weekends. And I recognize fully that I did not fit the bill of what most people thought a cheerleader should look like. You want to know what I did about that? I cheered for SEVEN YEARS including college. Throughout my entire cheer career- middle school, high school, and college, I cheered along side girls who also didn’t fit the bill. Girls that were maybe considered larger than the stereotype were throwing around gymnastic skills like you wouldn’t believe! They were freaking good. So let me tell you, that we cheerleaders don’t go into tryouts with a 5 page essay on how we’re perfect, and how we will uphold standards of perfect hair, teeth, weight, etc. Do some squads exist with tiny girls? Yes, likely co-ed college teams that need tiny girls for the guys to toss up. You want to see something impressive? Look for the all girl squads and see what kind of crazy awesome things they can do, with all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds.

Cheerleaders have the stereotype that most people in the body positivity movement try to go against. They might post about their weight struggle, or how they are proud of where they are, and then point out that they never were a cheerleader in high school. That they never could have been a model. Never ____ stereotype, never _____.

EveryBODY is a someBODY.

It’s time to stop saying things like:

“I may not be a Victoria Secret model, but I sure could pick one up and squat her”

“I was always twice the size of the cheerleaders.”

“I may not have been a skinny popular bitch, but at least I had fun”

“You shouldn’t be allowed to wear those spandex, I can’t even get ONE LEG INTO BOTH SIDES”

“I can’t do yoga I’m not a twig bitch”

“I may not have abs, but at least I can have pizza”

“Why are you working out, you don’t need to lose weight?”

“Go eat a cheeseburger”

oh yeah or the other popular meme “When I see a fit person in the gym, I’m like ‘What are you doing here, you’ve already won, go home'”

We’ve come to a point where we are almost at a place where we can embrace self love with all that we have without putting others down, but we’re not quite there yet. Do I think that some people are too soft and get offended too easily? Absofreakinglutely. But we need to remember that every BODY is a someBODY. Maybe body positivity should be replaced simply with #selflove and that’s it. There’s no need to point out that in your effort to be your best and happiest self, that you at the same time are not ______. Stop putting other people down.

Instead of saying “I might not be _____ but at least I’m not ______”, we need to start saying “I might not be (insert goal here), yet, but I AM PROUD OF _____”

My confidence

My strong heart

My kind soul

My easy going nature

My ability to get to know people for who they are

My strong arms that hold my kids

My legs that take me places

My optimism

….. and so on.

And if you’ve read this far and you’re still not sure you want to take any of this seriously. I mean coming from me that is, because I am one of the skinny girls. Most of you know me as someone who has been “thin” and “in shape” and what not and have been nearly my whole life. You might think it comes easy to me (like previously mentioned scenarios) But I didn’t just magically appear this way, I worked for it. And you know what, if that wasn’t the case, why would it even MATTER?!?! It’s MY body, not yours. There’s backlash at people for being too big. And there’s disgust deriving from likely deeper emotions at people for being too thin.

Hey, how about this. Let’s associate body positivity with not only self-love but also with taking care of ourselves. We should strive to be healthy, from the inside out. And how you want that healthy to look and feel should be up to YOU.

#SELFLOVE #LOVEFORALL #EVERYBODYISASOMEBODY

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