Should You Use a Seating Chart For Your Wedding?

July 9, 2019July 9, 2019 LifeOfCarlyB2 Comments

Just one more item that you need to check off of your to-do list, or shall we call it “decision list”?

A seating chart for your guests at the wedding- yay or nay?

Ultimately, it comes down to preference, and there is never a right or wrong answer.

But let me tell you about my experience.

We did a seating chart, and here’s why.

A couple years before our wedding, we went to a wedding where we knew practically no one. I knew the bride, my then boyfriend – now husband had maybe met her once or twice prior. So yeah, that qualifies as knowing pretty much no one. The reception was held in this grand room with tables surround a big dance floor. And there were A LOT of tables, but to be fair there were also a lot of guests.

Picture this: we walk into this grand room and look around at not only all of the tables, but all of the people mingling around them who knew each other and were catching up like old friends (because they were). We looked at each other like “now what”. We didn’t know where to sit, there was no guidance. So we chose a table that had yet to be claimed and we sat there, assuming that at least a few other people would fill the remaining 8 chairs at the table.

The most awkward part? People looked at those empty chairs, and then at us, and realized they didn’t know us so they kept walking. In my opinion, there was nothing that eluded to the fact that we could have been saving those chairs for someone, not one bit. We consider ourselves to be very friendly and outgoing people, and we had hoped that someone would fill those chairs so we weren’t left looking like a couple of Steven Glansberg (a Superbad reference, a kid who eats alone at lunch). But nonetheless, no one sat down. Oh, hello, Steven Glansberg #1 and #2. It was awkward.

Two plus years later when it came time to plan our wedding, I knew without a doubt that I wanted a seating chart. Did my mom agree at first? No, not quite. But here are the PROS, and the reasons why I think having a seating chart is necessary (although more work on YOU, but more beneficial to everyone later on)

You’ll have no Steven Glansberg’s at the wedding
You can help facilitate new friendships
No one comes looking for you in a frenzy asking your opinion on where to sit. They read the board, the cards, or whatever, and know where to go
It’s cheaper!

Without a seating chart you have to account for 2 or more extra tables because although you’d like to think everyone would just fill in all of the chairs, they won’t, and there will be tables leftover with empty chairs (like ours). So say you have 180 guests coming, you’ll need enough tables and chairs to seat 200+. And yes, that also includes the extra linens, silverware, etc. that you’ll have to buy or rent to go with those extra chairs.

Let me just finish by saying….

Do a little extra effort yourself up front, to avoid annoying and frequently asked questions on your wedding day (OmG, like WHERE do i SiT?!?!) and also save people the embarrassment of watching people look at the them and then deliberately not sit with them like a bunch of high school cliques.

My one extra tip, is to be an over-planner and over-organizer with the seating chart, and relay that information in the clearest possible way to whoever is setting up the tables. I say this because I had to split my extended family into multiple tables (my family is large) but the idea was that they would be in 3 tables in a triangle with each other. Well, the layout of the tables got screwed up (even though I used this online platform where you literally place the tables, the head table, the cake, etc. where you want) and so one of the tables ended up clear on the other side of the room. My mom was like “why did you put X,Y,Z so far from everyone else?” Well mom, they weren’t supposed to be.

Plan, organize, plan, execute.

Happy wedding planning!

Got additional questions for a recent bride-in-planning?

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lifeofcarlyb@gmail.com

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Or check out recent wedding related posts here:

"to the girl planning her wedding"

"the one thing I wish I would have done on my wedding day"

The One Thing I Wish I Would Have Done on My Wedding Day

June 7, 2019 LifeOfCarlyB1 Comment

Take. it. all. in.

Five minutes of uninterrupted silence with my new husband.

Watching everyone from a birds eye view.

People say it all the time, to take it all in on your wedding day. You think “duh, why wouldn’t I do that?!” But regardless, it’s the advice everyone tells you leading up to the big day.

But what they fail to explain is what they really mean when they say to take it all in.

I remember going up to my husband at least 3 times during our wedding and putting my hands on his shoulders to look him straight in the eye and say “this is our reminder to take it all in“. And looking back, the whole night was still a blur! It’s not that we weren’t taking it all in, I mean we were! We just weren’t taking it all in as just the two of us. Instead, we stayed in the midst of it all, center stage, life of the party, so we took it in as us and 150 other people. And that’s how the night blurs together. The alcohol didn’t have much of a factor in that, especially in the earlier hours, and yet we still got pictures back from our photographer where I’m like wtf when did that happen?! (Thank goodness for photographers and videographers though! If you don’t have one booked for your wedding then you are sorely fooling yourself).

Here’s the truth. The day goes by both slow and lightning speed fast, and there are moments you can’t decipher between the two speeds. But before you know it, it’s over, and you’re sitting there the next morning with the biggest smile on your face with your new spouse, trying to piece together parts of the night.

So take it all in my friend.

Set an alarm on your phone.

And when that goes off, make sure no excuse, no matter how big, can hold you back from grabbing your new husband or wife to get away together for 5 quiet minutes together with a bottle of champagne.

If you can, find a birds eye view to watch everyone who gathered there today for you, everyone who you love, mingle together having the best time.

And if it’s your style, take a quick 10 second video of all that action.

And then put the phones away and anything else that can serve as a distraction and just sit there. Together. Breathe deeply. and take. it. all. in.

Health, love, and happiness from a former bride,

Carly B

To the girl planning her wedding

November 27, 2018November 27, 2018 LifeOfCarlyB1 Comment

The the girl planning a wedding….

Take it all in.

I know, barf right. You’ve heard that before. But I mean it.

Because when it’s over you will feel empty. There will be a big black hole hanging over your head for at least the first week and you won’t be sure how to handle it or what to do with yourself.

Take in the joy of getting to choose your perfect venue and your perfect dress.
Take in the stress of dealing with changes, vendors that might back out, miscommunication, and whatever else can go wrong.
Take it in when all of your loved ones gather in one city for YOU
Take it all in because it will all go away.

16 months of planning. That’s how long it was for me. 16 months of planning for what?

A damn good time I’ll tell you that!

Your wedding day will be here before you know it. Trust me. It might seem like it is light years away at this point, but just like anything else in life, time moves quickly. And this is no exception. You will only get this experience one time in your life (or at least my hope for your marriage is that you only get to experience this one time). So think about that. How many other things in your life do you get to experience truly only ONCE? Not many.

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you how to do this or how to do that, or which vendors to choose or any of that. There are plenty of self help pages for that on Pinterest or the Knot. But I do have TWO major tips for you that were so so SO beneficial to me:

Hobby Lobby: know that shit, use that shit. Did you know that Hobby Lobby ALWAYS has 50% off deals? And they rotate. For example, if I went to the store for flowers and they weren’t half off, I’d come back the NEXT WEEK because then they would be! Same went for some pieces of furniture I got for the wedding, and utilizing their wedding section. If you are there for anything DON’T BUY IT ON THE SPOT IF IT IS NOT 50% OFF. It will be next week, TRUST ME! (except for furniture, that is always 30% off and doesn’t rotate).
Hire a day of coordinator. I only did because our venue required and holy shit balls it was hands down the BEST forced decision I had ever made. Do it. Trust me. That is all.

And now, for the most important thing you should hear:

Be selfish.

This day is about you. And if I’m being honest, the only true stresses that I got out of my wedding planning stemmed from the opinions of others. Sure it’s nice to have others there to support your decision making, but if an opinion comes without first being prompted by you, then brush it off. This is your day.

Make it your goal from the start to not be bridezilla. That was my goal and I have to say besides getting pissed that my family wasn’t on time for pictures and therefore we had to wait and I was hot as a mother from being outside so long only to take a few pictures inside, I’d say that I wasn’t a bridezilla at all. (holy run-on sentence!) And with not being a bridezilla comes with not having unrealistic expectations in your head, which could totally kill the vibe of your day if they don’t play out exactly as you imagined.

I picked out my dress in 45 minutes and with only 6 try ons because I wasn’t looking for something so specific, so overly specific that I couldn’t even design it myself. I wasn’t looking for specific, I let the dress find me.

We looked at 3 venues and ended up picking the FIRST one that I saw online. It was meant to be. I let my bridesmaid pick out their jewelry and shoes and their style of dresses. I let Alex pick out his groomsman accessory (i.e. socks, tie clips, etc.) I got my flower girl dresses online from Macy’s to not spend a fortune and I made nearly 90% of our wedding decor. I let our wedding coordinator display the decor in the venue how SHE thought was best because well, she had done it a time or two before 😉

But above that…

Don’t feel like you have to please everyone. Don’t feel like you have to invite everyone. Think about your big day and who do you picture there? Those are the people who should be invited. Not people who you only met when you were 3 years old and wouldn’t recognize them in person. Not the people who were once a part of your life but aren’t anymore, but you feel like you need to invite them to save feelings from being hurt. This is your day. YOUR DAY.

Know that vendors will try to screw you over. Learn how to be a negotiator. I got a discount from every. single. one. of my vendors because I didn’t accept the first price point given (except for maybe my photographer because we love her). I didn’t do my hair trial because why in the effing world would I pay $75 for a hair style that I AM going to take out as soon as I get home? So I didn’t do it and guess what, they still did my hair. Oh and keep good records, because chances are one or more vendors will come to you the week of the wedding saying you owe more just because they didn’t record it correctly.

If you want traditional stuff done at your wedding then great, go for it! But if you’re like us, then you just wanted to party. And I am so so glad that we didn’t do an hour worth of specific dances (i.e. dollar dance, etc) or that we didn’t make people sit there and watch us try to horridly perform a pre-coreographed dance. Instead, we got the “stuff” done and everyone headed to the dance floor. Where it was packed for the whole night.

Oh and speaking of partying. Let me be the first to recommend having your rehearsal TWO nights prior. Because by the way all of us were feeling the morning after our rehearsal dinner, none of us would’ve been comfortable if it were the wedding day 😀

Know that you set the tone for the wedding. If you’re stressed, it will show. And people will either try to comfort you (which might piss you off more) or they will walk on egg shells. I can gladly say that I had only one 10-minute stressed out freak out moment and was OVER it. For the entire day.

If people ask you questions that are not relevant to YOU. Or they want direction on wedding related stuff (i.e. what to wear) I suggest delegating someone to answer that! If you don’t have any specifics in mind, then don’t stress out trying to come up with the answer. We directed these tasks to other people and I must say that all questions were taken care of by people other than us, and everyone looked rather dashing at the wedding.

If you want specific pictures then MAKE A LIST. I wish I would have made a specific list, but I have to say that my photographer did GREAT. The only picture I knew I wanted FOR SURE was one with my dogs. Were my dogs brats that day? Yep. Did we get a picture? Yep. And if your wedding is outside. Take charge when you are hot. Don’t ask to go inside, say that you are going inside.

It’s okay to go outside the box. And if you’re looking for permission to well then let me tell you some things that we did that were out of the ordinary:

My bridal party dresses were not the same style, nor were they all the same color
We did not exchange our own personal vows at the alter and rather did a private exchange
We did not know our pastor personally before the day of the wedding
We didn’t do pre-marital counseling
We didn’t take dance classes
We didn’t pre choreograph a stupid dance
We booked our cake and cupcakes without even sampling first. The reviews were good enough
We didn’t use real flowers. Not even my bouquet
I didn’t give 2 shits what people other than my wedding party wore on the day of the wedding
We didn’t save the top layer of our cake. Our freezer is small and we eat healthy so that thing would sit and sit and sit
We did not do the garter dance, just the garter toss
We did not do the dollar dance (put your money elsewhere people)
We did not go on a honeymoon right after the wedding. We’re waiting a whole year
We lived together for 3 years prior to the wedding
I didn’t do a hair trial
We did our own make up
We had our rehearsal two days before the wedding
I didn’t invite everyone that I had ever interacted with in my life

And some things that I wouldn’t have done, had I not been talked into it by important people in my life

A bridal shower
A gift registry

I just had a really hard time asking people for gifts just because I found my soul mate. Still is a weird concept to me- like hey I found love, now give me gifts!- always will be.

At the end of the day. Enjoy it. Take it in. Both the planning process and the actual wedding. Because people tell you that it goes by so quickly, but what no one told me was that it goes by so quickly that it turns into one big blur. I’m still finding that I’m like OH yeah that DID happen! And wishing that we had taken more pictures on our personal phones to show behind the scenes. A total blur. But one hell of a partying, rowdy, fun-loving, fairytale type of blur.

Last tip? Get a go-pro, and let that shit do it’s own thang.

Sincerely,

The new Mrs. Buehler

And if you’re a guest of the wedding, someone in the wedding party, or family. Here is my note to you

BE ON TIME AND DO WHAT YOU’RE ASKED! The bride and groom have a million things to do and are being pulled in a million different directions. They do not need to wait on YOU. Be respectful.

That is all I have for you