The Truth About Finding My Path After College

Graduate college they said, it’ll be fun they said.

But DAMN life after college can be a whirlwind! 

I graduated exactly 4 years ago today. Ironically, I found this very blog post in my drafts from- 2 YEARS AGO! I started this but never finished. I guess I didn’t find my voice completely enough to publish it.

Even more ironic? Every bullet point listed below is still true today. I’m still baffled by how different adulthood is from college life. It’s like the second I graduated I was thrust into adulthood without a how-to guide, without any warning. It was like being pushed off of a cliff and being expected to know how to fly.

My question to those who have been doing this for awhile is…. when does it feel normal?

Like I’m 26 and I still don’t want to be an adult. Do I like the freedom of it, and the feeling of making BIG strides and awesome new accomplishments? Absolutely! But damn, where is my mom when I need her! When I’m behind on laundry and haven’t even started dinner yet. When I’m so exhausted that I zombie mode it through work. And let me tell you friends- I don’t even HAVE KIDS YET! Good Lord help me.

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I try to stay optimistic and happy all the time, but forgive me for being human, some things are just challenging! I know for damn sure that I’ve realized adulthood has come with a few realizations…..

-8AM is nowhere near an early time anymore

-Going to bed at 10 is the glory of all things glorious, and the thought of getting ready to go out on the town on a Wednesday night at that time is enough to make me fall asleep standing up on some days

-A relaxing Sunday is getting all of the household chores done, leaving me, and my house, feeling refreshed for the week ahead

-Since when is grocery shopping fun (most of the time)?

-Oh bills, right, I have those now

-AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STUDENT LOANS!

-Which job do I apply for? Do I qualify? What if I don’t? I double majored in college, certainly there is something out there

-Oh, you mean to tell me that my dream job doesn’t exist until I gain more than four years experience of college studies in my field?

-And let’s not even talk about that word metabolism. I’m only 26 for goodness sake! How can I see the results of a slowing metabolism already! 

-And don’t get me started on hangovers. For anyone under 25 reading this. IT ALL CHANGES OVER NIGHT. Holy shit, I can’t imagine 30-year-old hangovers.

-Fewer true friends are better than a hundred fake ones- cliche I know, but totally true

-Surrounding yourself with like-minded people will be your saving grace on some days

So yeah, things are different once you graduate college. Weekends are no longer for partying, Thursday’s are no longer for “pre-weekend partying”, and Monday’s are no longer dreaded for an early 8AM class wake up call.

Screen Shot 2019-05-09 at 8.27.32 AMRather, Monday’s are now for the go-getters. I might not be exactly sure where my career path will lead me in the next 5 years, or hell where my life will lead me, but I do know what I’m passionate about. So on Monday’s I GO-GET-IT. And on Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s, Thursday’s and so on. I wake up early, go to work, and help people achieve their fitness goals. And I do it day after day. But in between all of that I volunteer in animal rescue, I write these here blogs, I read, I walk my dogs, I binge watch New Girl with my husband, I grab drinks with friends, I travel and take in new experience, and I sweat like a mad woman at Orangetheory Fitness. I have no idea if any of those things will get me somewhere farther in my career in the future, or if they’ll impact my life in the future. But that’s not what it’s about. The Go-Getting, the life-enjoying, the self-improving, that make me damn happy right now. And right now is my favorite place to be.

The truth about finding your path after college:

it’s not actually about finding a path to walk on like everyone else. It’s discovering an unfinished path that looks crazy and curvy and all over the place. But the unknown in that path is what makes you see the potential in that path’s adventure, so you take it anyway.  You pave that path along the way. And when the work gets too tiring to keep paving on your own. You kick back for a few, relax with a mimosa and give it to God to lay the next few stones for you.

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I spent too much of my time focusing on how different life after college was compared to the 22 years before that I sometimes missed the beauty of it. Did I find spots where I felt financially depleted? Yep. Did I work jobs that made me want to pull my hair out every day? Yep. Was I struggling, exhausted, and emotionally depleted at times? Hell yes. But here I am. Standing tall, even if I still don’t have the slightest bit of clue what tomorrow might bring me. News flash, no one does. Not one single person. So in midst of the struggles somedays I remind myself of everything I’ve done, accomplished, and been to. And then I remind myself of my hopes and dreams. And I work for them, I work towards them, while simultaneously folding my husbands underwear and rescuing a dirty sock from my dogs mouth.

Adulthood will never feel normal. I’m convinced. There won’t be a moment where I’ll be like “ah so this is how to handle adulthood”, but that’s the beauty of it. I’ve decided on that very answer. It’s not supposed to be the same way for everyone. It’s not supposed to be the same every single year. But I’m here like “Hey look Ma I made it!”.

Adulthood if a fucking whirlwind.

But you can do it

….I whisper to myself as I go to sleep

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Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable- Part 1: Health and Fitness

My favorite quote of all time:

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable.

Meaning, in the quickest explanation possible, that nothing can be achieved within your comfort zone. If you’re uncomfortable, embrace that, because it means something great is on the horizon.

In this 3 part series we will talk about what it means to get comfortable being uncomfortable in 3 different areas of your life. Your health and fitness, your relationships, and your life and lifestyle in general.

What makes us most uncomfortable in each area? Do we avoid whatever makes us uncomfortable because we don’t know how to handle it? Are we staying stagnant and going through monotonous efforts because we don’t know how to step outside of our comfort zone? More importantly, because we don’t know why we should step outside of our comfort zones?

The easiest and most obvious comfort zones that we can identify nowadays are those related to your health and fitness journey, which is why that is Part 1 of this series. Those comfort zones are what keep people from achieving their goals that they’ve had for a long time. The goals that they’ve written down at the beginning of each new year, resolving to finally achieve them, but don’t.

In order to step out of these comfort zones and launch ourselves on this great health and fitness journey, we first need to pin-point the areas that are holding ourselves back.

Generally, these are the areas where we feel the slightest ping of discomfort and we go running for the covers. Hiding from what could be. They can be broken down into physical and mental barriers. 

The physical:

When your body actually feels, oh I don’t know, the actual effects of exercise

This one kind of baffles me. So many people go to the gym, yet they don’t push themselves to the points they need to. When was the last time you’ve gone outside of your routine in the gym (that is if you’ve been actually going to the gym)? It’s hard for people to feel levels of well, pain.

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But here’s the truth:

The last few reps of your sets should be hard. If they’re not then you simply are not working hard enough. Put those 5 lb weights away that you’ve been using for the past year and pick up something heavier. But wait, that is where people lose it. When they get to rep 8 out of 10 in a set of bicep curls and their muscles are burning. It’s weird, so they stop at that 8th rep and drop their weight the next set they do. Wait what?!? That is not helping you grow, at all. It’s actually teaching yourself to accept failure. You let that feeling of discomfort win over you.

No my friend, those last few reps of each set should be challenging. Aim for the last 2-4 reps, depending on how many reps total you’re doing (the more reps total, the more challenging reps you’ll feel). Because if you find that the reps are getting challenging, it means you are challenging yourself. Get comfortable with that. That is where the magic happens.

And when doing cardio? You need to get comfortable with the feeling of your lungs burning. If you hop on the elliptical day after day and only break a light sweat, then you haven’t challenged your body to a new stimulus. Therefore, you will not improve, and your fitness goals will always be dangling in front of you – just out of reach. Try incorporating HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) into your workout. There will be points where you can’t speak more than a few sentences, that’s normal, don’t let that scare you. And when you really amp it up, there will be points where you can’t speak more than a few words. Again, that’s normal. All of the above (including some steady state such as the elliptical), need to be worked into your workout in a balanced format. Try doing some intervals – on a cardio machine, or with bodyweight cardio exercises. To program a HIIT workout, you can use the formats below, in order of beginner to advanced:

1:1 ratio= equal work and rest time

2:1 ratio= 2X the amount of challenging work to rest time

4:1 ratio= 4X the amount of challenging work to rest time

The above ratios can be seen in formats such as:

60:60 = 60 seconds of challenging work followed by 60 seconds of rest
60:30= 60 seconds of challenging work, followed by 30 seconds of rest.
60:15= 60 seconds of challenging work, followed by 15 seconds of rest.

or 30:30, 30:15, 30:10, 20:20, 20:10, and so on. As long as you have rest periods on there, you are working in a HIIT format.

In addition to creating your own HIIT workouts, you can also try publicly known workout programs such as Orangetheory Fitness, first class free!

*p.s. this is not an Orangetheory sponsored Ad, but I know first hand the amazing effects that can come out of it, in true HIIT fashion. Not to mention I’ve seen it first hand help people overcome every single one of the barriers listed in this blog 😉

And lastly, if your muscles are shaking, that isn’t a BAD thing! Shaking muscles while holding a plank or a wall sit? Yeah, your muscles are under constant contraction, and this is okay, as long as you are keeping good and proper form!

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The mental:

“I’m scared”

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where to start. I am probably the only person in this gym who hasn’t worked out before”.

You’re scared? Good. Use that and let it ignite the flame. Don’t use is as an excuse to turn towards the door and run. You’ve already paid the gym membership, you’re already at the grocery store. So don’t waste your money, or your time. Finish what you came to start.

If we all let our feelings of being scared dictate the ending of each situation we’re in, then we all would have walked into a job, felt scared, and turned right back around. We’d let that happen over and over again until we’re all unemployed and living under a bridge.

But what do you actually do when you’re scared and nervous on your first day at a new job? You run with it! You let it fuel you. You focus in on learning as if your life depends on it, because it kind of does. You are open to trying new things. And most importantly, you COMMIT to it.

So you’re scared as you walk into the gym? Let it fuel you. Let it help you learn new things. Let it open your mind (and body) to trying new things. Let it allow you to COMMIT.

Scared is a feeling of discomfort. But that’s what we’re looking for here aren’t we? Yes. So go run with it. Get comfortable with using your feelings of fright to launch you into something new.

“I’m not good enough”

I’m sorry, but good enough for what? The images you have in your head because social media has pounded them there? Yeah, okay, let’s stop that.

Let’s allow feelings of discomfort to come in for a moment to squash those images. I know, that’s a hard thing to do. Because you want to cling to those images to allow yourself to keep telling yourself you’re not good enough. Because with that, at least you have an excuse. 

Not today Satan. 

So go ahead, squash them. And then when you’re left with a clean slate. One where you can draw ANY image of yourself you want. Make it one you are proud of. And let me tell you, THAT can be one of the most uncomfortable things. Talking ourselves up, hyping ourselves up and dreaming big. But do it friend. The world needs more self-hype.

“I don’t know how to do it correctly”

This one can fall under both physical and mental, and it is the most logical barrier out of all of them. Bad form can indeed bring your fitness journey to a screeching halt. But what makes people the most uncomfortable is asking for help. But here’s the secret- ask for help! You don’t have to commit to hiring a personal trainer 4X a week, but every single gym [should*] have qualified professionals who can help you! In my years of working in a gym it has surprised me by how little people actually ask for help. I mean sometimes people don’t even ask how to turn on a machine. If it’s not on, it won’t work, and therefore- neither will you.

I think the biggest barrier here is that you might feel embarrassed for helping. But let me remind you that every single fitness professional, and every single long-term gym member all WERE BEGINNERS. None of us just “poofed” into the gym knowing how to use it all. We all had to learn. We all had those moments where we felt uncomfortable too. But the difference between your repeated efforts and repeated resolutions to telling yourself that “this is the year I go to the gym!” is that we actually sought out help. We learned. And now, we’re here to HELP YOU TOO! And if you find that someone is an asshole and not willing to help, politely tell them to fuck off, and then go ask someone more friendly (there’s always one asshole or one un-knowledgable person who only got the job because their mom is screwing the manager in each gym. I wish there wasn’t, but if you find them on the first try, just move onto to the next employee or a friendly well-versed member and ask for help!)

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When it comes down to it, it’s talking to yourself and telling yourself that you are bigger than even your BIGGEST barrier. Mind > matter.

What’s your biggest barrier in actually going for your health and fitness goals? Identify it and read the paragraph corresponding to it above. And if you’ve identified a barrier that isn’t listed above (because had I listed out all barriers, you’d be here reading this for the next year) then reach out to me at lifeofcarlyb@gmail.com OR on Instagram at lifeofcarlyb_ and I’d be glad to help you find ways around those barriers.

But spoiler alert:

The first thing I’m going to tell you to do is….

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable.

Your true abilities don’t lie within those comfort zones.

They’re somewhere out there, behind each lie you tell yourself and each excuse, just waiting for you to grab them.

Just like how the juiciest apples could be sitting at the top of the tree, but no one wants to climb to get them.

Your greatest abilities could be sitting up there too, just out of reach if you stay in your comfort zone.

So go grab that apple friend.

Go grab it.

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Thanks for stopping by!

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so you don't miss out on parts 2 & 3 of this 3 part series

(going over lifestyle and relationships comfort zones)

Happy to have you here!

Enjoying Your Vacation

Like really enjoy it. Enjoy the shit out of it. Check your worries and to-do lists at your front door when you leave. In fact, lock them in the house, leave them there for when you return.

Get rid of your mentality that vacation will always leave you feeling a little guilty. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t fear the vacation.

Your vacation is meant to be enjoyed. It isn’t meant to be about counting every calorie to ‘stay on track’. It’s not about feeling bad for having that local burger, or that craft beer, or for not getting one single workout in the whole time.

Yes, I write a blog about health and fitness. I have an Instagram dedicated to that. I run a business on it.

But I also understand the glory of flexible dieting and flexible mindsets. I believe that if you plan vacations and fear them for the potential to throw you off track then you will never enjoy another vacation in your life. But it’s good that I believe in the 80/20 rule, in flexible dieting, in giving yourself a break.

BUT there are ways to enjoy your vacation AND feel darn proud for the decisions you make while there. I’m not saying your vacation is either a total fail (health & fitness wise) nor is it a seamless & perfect trip of nothing but salads and water.

There are ways to enjoy your vacation and not drive yourself crazy while doing it.

Here’s how:

Last weekend I went to Myrtle Beach with some family and friends. We’re all adults with full time jobs, bills to pay, and too little hours in the day. So a vacation was so needed. And you know what? We didn’t hold back. We had pizza, and fried food, and beer, and rum, and tequila, we stayed up late, and were outside ALL. FREAKING. DAY. (My body is still burnt). It was great.

And you know what? We may have gotten to the end of our vacation thinking “holy shit I didn’t do one healthy thing that whole time”. But we did, we just had to take a step back to see it.

We got our exercise in unusual ways. We played a friendly game of sand football, we went for a 2 mile walk just to wake up one morning, we walked more steps than my FitBit could even count for. We drank some water in between the booze, we had some fruit, we made homemade guac, and we got some pretty decent sleep.

The reason we were able to do those healthy things is because it was part of our routine. For months and years now most of us have lived in the healthy lifestyle. We workout consistently and cook healthy meals for ourselves. It has become routine- and a good routine at that.

So when it comes time to vacation we aren’t the ones crash dieting for the beach, no we go about our normal lives. And because of that we are able to spill over some of those naturally healthy choices in between all the fun of vacationing.

I believe that crash diets set you up for failure in more ways than one. You gain more weight back than what you lost (but that’s a story for a different time) and you lose all control when it comes to events that are outside of your routine. Because of the crash diet, your mind breaks down and you don’t even know which way is up, let alone choosing a healthy option.

So when it comes to enjoying your vacation, my number 1 tip?

Don’t treat it as a one time ordeal. Lead up to it with good intentions, get in a good routine. And you won’t even feel like you are failing yourself by choosing that burger for dinner because guess what? Been there done that. It’s called the 80/20 lifestyle that you live.

 

Beyond that, I asked my friend Kristen (co-founder of The WHEYSTED Girls Project) to help me make a list of how to enjoy your vacation.

  1. Treat it as just another one of your “cheat meals”. You’ve worked hard for this, why not enjoy it?

  2. Pack water. If you pack it, you will drink it

  3. Pack fruits and veggies. Again, if you pack it you will eat it.

  4. Choose one meal for the day that will be your “go out” meal. For us? It’s usually dinner. This helps save you calorie wise and saves your wallet. For the other meals, pack your own food. We packed oatmeal, toast and peanut butter, eggs, deli sandwiches, chips and salsa and guac, and fruit- all for us to eat at home (or on the beach!)

  5. Go for walks. Not only does it get you moving, but if you’re in the business of drinking all weekend it will give you a little break in between the alcohol consumption- and that break can save you from a super nasty hangover the next day. OR if you wake up with a hangover – go for a walk! The fresh air will do you good.

  6. If you want to eat healthy- then do it!! Just make sure you want to

  7. Piggy-backing off of that, if you choose a salad at dinner at the people you are with make fun of you for it- F*ck em, don’t listen to them. You do you boo boo.

  8. There ARE *healthier* beverage choices—Michelob Ultra’s/Corona Premier, Truly’s (or other spiked waters). If you want to avoid beer altogether, opt for a frozen concoction using REAL fruit, low calorie/no sugar mixers, and do some research about lower calorie liquors (shout out Blue Chair Rum!!!)

  9. Replenish your electrolytes. Sitting in the sun and having some drinks dehydrates you quickly. Grab some Powerade/Gatorade—Kristen’s go to is Rehydrate from AdvoCare.

  10. Avoid the vacation hangover—get back to your normal routine as soon as you get home. Yes, you had a blast and ate/drank more than normal; but, once you get back from vacation start fueling your body with the right stuff again.

  11. Be active—sitting in my beach chair, staring at the waves and zoning out is my favorite. I not a napper, but have been known to doze off on the beach every once now and then. Get up and move every 30 mins—play in the sand…there are sooo many beach games out there (heck, we even made some up), take a dip in the water, toss a football.

  12. Enjoy yourself, damnit. Vacation is YOUR time. You work hard every single day to earn vacation. Give your mind and body some time to relax and slow down for a few days.

  13. Wear sunscreen  🙂

Healthier drink options:

Corona Premier: 90 calories / 2.6g carb

Michelob Ultra: 95 calories / 2.6g carb

Blue Chair Bay Rum: Ranges from 75-96 calories

*Banana Rum Cream: 75 calories / 8g carb. White Rum: 95 calories/ 0g carb*

Mix with low calorie mixers like 5 calorie Ocean Spray juice mixes, Diet Soda, Club Soda, Seltzer water

Homemade margarita: 102 calories / 7g carb

*2 oz Sauza Gold Tequila + 2 ounces Trop 50 Orange Juice + 2 ounces Roses Lime Juice*

The bottom line? You’ve only got one life to live, and this life is YOURS to live. Tackle your vacation HOW you want and WHEN you want. And be nice to yourself in the process ❤